This photo is not me . . .
. . . but it very well could be, and although I have no idea what she is thinking . . . I see deep thoughtin the way she stands, contemplation as she stares into the distant horizon.
No, this is not me, but it may as well be.
I'm a deep thinker and I do quite like my quiet time to let my mind wander where it can or should. Todream or just be. But for me there is a fine line between solitude and contemplation. Between feelingpeaceful and lonely.
I've crossed over that line. Too much thinking has made me second guess some things lately (yes, think pity party). As someone who doesn't get paid for my photography or the time it takes me to write and share my thoughts, there are days when I wonder why - why I continue to do it. But I surely don't know if at this point I could just stop either. I've thought about it - seriously thought about just walking away from the computer. Calling it done.
And here is where my truth comes in, and my insecurity. It's really about expectations, about what someone might say, or the fact that they didn't say anything at all.
But here is the thing...when I started blogging, I came here without those expectations, and for the very actof sharing. I didn't even know what to expect. Somewhere along the line the expectation that wasn't, grew into one big expectation that by being here others would just show up and have something to say.
And then, this past week doing a Google search for what I can't remember, I came across an audio by Guy Finley, and it was as if he was speaking directly to me . . .
He was talking about preparing for a banquet which really could be a metaphor for just about anything inmy life that I prepare for in advance. He was talking about preparing for a banquet and not having anyone show up. And isn't that always such a fear - I know it is for me - preparing for something,taking the time and to have no one come.
And then what he said next, was like sliding down a slide with my name on it into a brick wall. He said, "The first one who celebrates the banquet is the one who prepares it." That the real preparation is the sacrifice that precedes the banquet. And he went on to say, "So the one who prepares the banquet whether or not anyone appears for it, if they have truly prepared something for the sake of the goodness of the preparation and the sacrifice involved, then such a person has lost nothing, in fact they have gained something whether or not it's attended."
OH MY!! That completely spoke to ME! And the more I thought about it the more I realized that it's in the process of taking photographs, of my thinking, and in my writing as well as in the sharing - that it IS in these exercises I do, that I grow as an artist, and as a person, whether or not they are seen or read.
Love, Kim
XO
{P.S.- The entire audio is a little under 7 minutes}
Sharing with Communal Global, Sweet Shot Tuesday, Tones on Tuesday
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