Just Me

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On Friday I shared some thoughts about the ebb and flow of the "openness" of a heart--both in blog-land and in real-life (although I would maintain that blog-land is quite real, or can be if we let it). Many of you shared some amazing thoughts as well in the comments section (thank you!), inspiring thoughts that I've been chewing on all weekend and working into a series of posts.

This is the one that's resonating with me today:

Cindy was one of my very first "blog friends." She writes and creates at 12 Tribes.

Ebb and flow happens in nature. Some kinds of flowers open in the daytime and close at night, as if to rest. It's completely natural to have seasons with an outpouring of words, inspiration, vision that are followed by seasons of quiet. We are often just too hard on ourselves, especially we women. I know I struggle with the "I'm too much and I'm not enough" syndrome myself.

So today I just want to be me.


It's true that I often tend to take life, myself and others too seriously. I am a firstborn, a dreamer, a deliberate and thoughtful person. At the same time, I would say that I am quite funny and quirky. Silly even. Not everyone gets to see this side of me because I can be shy. But if you were to meet me in person for the first time, I really doubt that your impression of me would be the same as the impression I might give in my writing, which gets quite wordy and deep at times (just in case you hadn't noticed ;)).

If we were to meet over a cup of coffee for the very first time, this would probably be me:

• Wearing a messy ponytail or perhaps two braids. I don't often go to the trouble of fixing (a.k.a. one hour of flat-ironing) my hair. As a kid I always wanted to wear two long braids like Laura Ingalls Wilder, but my mom always kept my coarse, thick, naturally curly hair (my new hairdresser recently christened it "explosion hair") chopped short.
• Ordering a Chai Latte and then stealthily eating some sort fruit-and-cheese snack from my bag. I'm not cheap, just gluten-free. Unless (please, puh-lease) you know of a delectable (or even a mediocre) gluten-free bakery in or near Hamburg, Germany?!
• Sporting a t-shirt, or something very much like a t-shirt. Fancy for me is a bit of embellishment on a t-shirt or a scarf with a t-shirt, or maybe a skirt with a t-shirt. Plus jeans and tennis shoes, of course. I'm not super stylish, although sometimes I think I would like to be. 
• Smiling a lot. Smiling a lot, a lot. After I spend an afternoon with someone over coffee, my face always hurts from smiling. 
• Talking a lot, maybe waaaay to much, depending on the kind of talker you are, of course. I used to talk very little, which is why I developed the habit of smiling a lot. Now I talk a lot and I smile a lot. I'm still a bit shy, but I can really open up when I'm one-on-one.    
• Listening a lot too. I'm pretty sure I'm a good listener, or at least that I used to be when I didn't talk so much. Now I always second-guess myself because there's a bit of a re-learning curve in calculating the talking-to-listening ratio. 
• Spilling something, inevitably, or dropping some messy food down the front of my shirt. This happens to me whether my kids are with me or not. I just get so caught up in all of the talking and listening and smiling that I lose track of where I am and what I'm doing and the whole how-to-eat-properly thing.

Ok, this was fun. See how my silly side is coming out a little? :) 


What would YOU be like if we were to meet over a cup of coffee?
I think of myself as a pretty simple girl. But I love how even the simple things in life can have profound depths--like Kathleen Kelly says in You've Got Mail (one of my favorite movies!), "all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings." Maybe that's why I love art so much--pretty pictures, "art for art's sake," can uplift you without words. I think my artwork is very much like me on first impression--bright and cheerful, breezy and not overbearing. But art also invites you to delve into a deeper story when you are ready to go there.

Anyway, that's me. *Sigh.*  Just me.  Saying "hello" to you, my friends.  Practicing no pressure to be profound.